There is nothing like wiping your ass after a shit, only to wipe the shit on your balls

He's back

Picture 1



Picture 2

Look familiar? Pic 1 was a freezeframe from the movie Snatch, THE greatest heist movie ever shot. Snatch is awesome. Fact. Like ice is cold, like shit is smelly. Its a fact.

And now on to Pic 2. While there may be many like me who hope and pray that it is a freezeframe taken from actual footage showing Silly Stallone getting his ass handed to him because he speaks like a retard who has chewed of half his tongue, I am sorry to say that christmas has not come early. Infact it was as if christmas will not ever come again


WTF is this shit AGAIN?!?!

Thats right. Pic 2 is from the trailer for Rocky Balboa a.k.a Rocky VI a.k.a Shitfest V. I say shitfest V and not VI cause Rocky I was actually good. But alas, how many times do you think practically the same storyline can be used over and over again before it gets boring? The right answer is 1, but Silly Stallone here thinks its at least 7, possibly infinity.

Seeing as Rocky V sucked more dick then Jenna Jameson, i suppose it was wise to try and emulate( and what i really mean here is blatantly copy ) the greatest boxing scene ever shown in a movie. EVER!! If you've watched the trailer and the movie, you'll know exactly what i mean.

While both pictures have the opponent to our valiant heroes pulling a stupid pursed-lips face in the immediate aftermath of hitting said heroes, the similarities to the pictures end there. For while Brad Pitt somehow manages to look cool as fuck EVEN while getting his face smashed in and his hair flapping about like a poodle, the same cant be said for Stallone, whose face is so damn flabby it looks like the belly of a 500-pound woman on a treadmill.

And while Brad in pic 1 is thinking "Good left hook mate, too bad i'm going to rearrange ur facial features in about 2 seconds", Silly in pic 2, and the 500-pound woman on the treadmill are thinking that eating that last doughnut was a huge mistake.

Oh and there is a Rambo IV coming out right after Rocky VI. GG

And so it begins...again

But first, it's time to gloat. It has been 3 months(or thereabouts) since all you cunts scoffed at my prediction and 2 months since you cunts cried into their pillow for missing out on a windfall of cash by not listening to said prediction. This is probably the slowest congratulation ever, but i'll say it anyway...I WAS FUCKIN' RIGHT! ! !

If Jesus had tatoos.. 1 - 1

Penalties. Grosso. 5-4. World Champs

Well with that outta the way back to what i originally intended to write about. The EPL has once again marched itself onto televisions and the minds of men (real men, not the faggot world-cup-shitheads) everywhere. While the football hiatus this year has been short thanks to the WC, its good to see them merry ol' men in red (manchester united not santa claus) return to the idiot box and mamaks everywhere to remind the viewers just how shit Liverpool are.

I'll skip the whole pre-season gossip about rooney/ronaldo, selling ruud and of course the countless "Sir-Alex-has-lost-the-plot" stories by saying this. 2 games, 8 goals, 1 conceded. And all of this before the Lord Gabriel of Heinze has pulled on his jersey for this season. God have mercy on the souls of Chelski, L'poo and the Arse. In Sir Alex we trust. Amen

Okay, maybe i'm being a bit to optimistic, I am certainly not blind to the fact tht 'Pool have got an ass kicking midfield (alonso has class oozing out his dickhole), chelsea have got oodles of roubles + shevchenko who i would like to have bear my children if it were medically possible and arsenal have...well they have "zinedine" cygan. Season looks like the toughest one in years especially if you factor in the pretenders. Spurs are looking the business and newcastle should do well now that they don't have a complete spastic as their manager.

The year has definately got better.

The world cup has started. And it is royally pissing me off, but not for footballing reasons mind you. I'm not one of those man-women, i.e. males who say they dont like football...or worse, any form of sporting activity. I mean for fuck's sake, why not cut off ur 'nads and turn them into earrings.

Football is my life. Well i would like it to be, and i have seen every...yes EVERY game of this tourney including the iran and saudi arabia games.

What pisses me off about the world cup is the people.

The "yeah-i-love-football-but-only-once-every-4-years" fans.

All the losers who think football is stupid but because its the world cup and there is all the hype, and because they dont wanna look like a complete ignoramus. start chatting shit and telling ME he thinks Italy wont win cause they are boring? Fuck off. HAving tactics doesn't make you a shit team, a lack of tactics, like the English however will condemn you to another 40 years of failure. Lets face it, lumping it long to Crouch every single time you're not winning a game by 55 mins is not a fuckin' world beating tactic.Which leads me to my next point..

Fuckin English supporters. Who on earth put it in your mind that you are God's gift to football. That gift has already beeen given. Its called Manchester United. Get over yourselves. This is not your year nor will it ever be as long as Frank LampLARD continues playing in your midfield.

Brazillian supporters. I mean fair enough if you're Brazillian and all, or even if you've been supporting them through the late 80's when they won fuck all. But the whole bandwagon jumping because of all the Nike ad's which make this brazillian team seem like the champions already. I mean fuck off man. Where were you in 2002 when everyone said that the brazil team were the worst in 20 years? You lot are an embarresment to the sport. Glory hunters are to football what rape is to women.

Oh and finally, THE most annoying thing about the world cup fever is..
Women. You didnt know shit then. You dont know shit now. How good looking Beckham is isnt worth a shit to me.
Fuck off already

Irony

Grey's Anatomy is ruining my life. Kinda ironic if you think about it that a drama about saving lives is systematically destroying mine. Over the next 8 days i have 5 more exam papers, 3 of which i am throughly unprepared for, and yet i have just wasted about 3 hours watching a mind-numbing suburban medical drama. Medical and drama are seriously two words that do not go together. Medicine, good medicine should be the furthest thing from drama. It should be clean cut (mind the pun), black and white. No blurred lines no grey area (again, pun) and when there is no grey area there is no drama.

But that is straying.

I honestly don't know what keeps me coming back for more. It has integrated everything i despise about self-serving american dramas. Moral lessons at the end. Retardly optimistic endgames to insanely overwhelming scenarios. The love-him-hate-him-but-will-still-fuck-him relationship that the lead actors have. That fuckin' narrative. Unless a narrative is done by Edward Norton, producers should learn to bugger off with it. Plus it lacks grotesque, over the top, brains splattered on wall violence. Granted the soundtrack on it is pretty awesome (any show that features Interpol on its songlist are a testament to the impecable musical taste of the music director and hence show that the producer is not a total gimp).

Oh that's right. Meredith Grey aka Ellen Pompeo is crazy fuckin' hot. Thats it. Oh and Kate Heigl is pretty easy on the eyes as well.

So in summar,...fuck. Now i'm starting to sound like a narrative. Who the hell am i summarising for anyway?...it's not like anyone reads this bleeding thing.
Whatever.
All thoughts composed, Grey's Anatomy rocks for 2 reasons namely Pompeo and Heigl. The good soundtrak is a bonus. Like a back massage after sex. If those aren't reasons good enough for anyone then you my friend are a spastic. Or gay which means you're a spastic as well. Or, well a women. I'll just leave that commentless.

The irony of it all is that a girl friend of mine figures that the show empowers women and champions feminism, showing that a being a woman is not a limit to being a success in a man's world. Just to bad that the strength of the show lies in the prefectly primmed hair of its hottest stars and all the sex that they manage to get themselves into.

Dance motherfucker, dance

Should the passing of time be celebrated? Or feared? Each day that goes by is a day closer to summer. Freedom. Sandy beaches, good company, the WORLD FUCKIN' CUP!! alcohol, ciggs, and probably my last true carefree, commitmentless holiday. On the other hand, like the proverbial calm before the storm, lying in wait, is the Hell standing infront of my Heaven, reminding me that above all else, i'm still merely a mortal. Okay...i'm sidetracking abit. What i mean is..the dreaded EXAMS. Every student knows it, dreads it, loathes it. And if you don't, you are a fucking freak of nature.

While it is tempting to follow the Fight Club notion that you are really only truly free once you've hit bottom, I throughly lack the charisma..not to mention an alter ego cool enough to organise a renegade movement capable of blowing up a city. And sinceI intend to have some semblence of a future, the stressing over exams, or rather stressing over how much i know which has relevence to my exams are a yearly ritual. My nights are filled with the what if's...and if only's. "If only i turned up for any of my 25 math lectures", "what if i stayed home and finished my coursework instead of partying all night getting pissed and handing it in with fresh vomit".

Too little to late i suppose. And all this thinking has made me hungry..I suppose in the end life shouldn't be taken too seriously. Afterall, none of us are getting out of it alive.

FIRST!!1!11!

Well, well well...where to begin?

Its exam period...well for those of you..who like me are fortunate enough to be studying in the UK. And exam period therefore invariably means that I'll do anything to avoid doing any actual work. And if you are reading this virgin of virginal posts, chances are you are like me. Having throughly exhausted just about any and every internet site of interest, forums, porn, football related shit, porn, poker, gaming sites, yet more porn, blogs, ebay, music and then some more porn, I have decided to start this "blog" as my next avenue to keep me from having to revise thermodynamics. And for those foolish enough to know what thermodynamics is, you'll understand my reason for starting this gay gay GAY activity known as blogging.

This could be the gayest thing I've ever done...well except for the time when...well...never mind. That should be another story for another day.

And for all you politically correct twats out there, when i make references to something being gay, its not cause being gay is bad or anything. I am by no means a homophobe. Its just retarded.

Fuck this. I've spent enough time signing up and cocking about on here. This html bullshit is really confuddling my already saturated brain.

Till I'm bored again....