20

Sent to me from heaven...

...you are my world

Out of civilisation

You breathe, and a million different particles of a toxic nature burn your nostrils and throat. Sweat drips from every pore as if water itself is going out of fashion. Mosquitos buzz about gleefully like vampires at a blood bank. The drivers have bloodlust for pedestrians who dare attempt to cross their grandfathers road...which is every goddamned road. The concept of queuing is more foreign than a foreigner in a foreign land doing foreign things.

Foreign is a funny word.

The internet is mind numbingly slow. Literally minds the numb. And no one truly, properly grasps the beauty of the word twat.

Tis' home. Wouldn't have it any other way.

Time is a figment of my imagination

I've officially lost track of the timezone I'm staying in. Why doesnt it ever get dark in London?
God damn you exams.

Football is my only reprive. Sleep just confuses me now. I wake up when it's dark. I wake up when it's bright. There's really no difference. 2 months ago I had 3 months. 2 months later and I'm out of time.

Fagging my fuckin lungs away, when all I really want to do is drink my liver to Hell.

God damn you exams. God damn you.

Almost in Greece? More like Already in Glory

Good weekend...title winning game at the City, Arsenal gift wrapping the title for us.
Very good weekend

On a side note, further proof that Chelsea are a bunh of gayers..

Johnny T showing "Daddy" his appreciation, only for "Daddy" to shrug him off and go for Fatty Frank. It must be the love handles.

Johnny T all emotional after getting dumped, yet he can't hide his love (lust) for good ol' Jose

Justin can fuck right off

Holy shit!! --> Chow Yun Fat!! --> Pirates of the Caribbean !!

This should bring sexy back for sure

what really happened in WW2..omghax!!

*Hitler[STNL] has joined the game.*
*Eisenhower has joined the game.*
*paTTon has joined the game.*
*Churchill has joined the game.*
*benny-tow has joined the game.*
*T0J0 has joined the game.*
*Roosevelt has joined the game.*
*Stalin has joined the game.*
*deGaule has joined the game.*
Roosevelt: hey sup
T0J0: y0
Stalin: hi
Churchell: hi
Hitler[STNL]: cool, i start with panzer tanks!
paTTon: lol more like panzy tanks
T0J0: lol
Roosevelt: o this fockin sucks i got depression!
benny-tow: haha america sux
Stalin: hey hitler you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool?
Hitler[STNL]: sure whatever
Stalin: cool
deGaulle: #@%! Hitler rushed some1 help
Hitler[STNL]: lol byebye frenchy
Roosevelt: i dont got #@%! to help, sry
Churchill: wtf the luftwaffe is attacking me
Roosevelt: get antiair guns n00b
Churchill: i cant afford them
benny-tow: u n00bs know what team talk is?
paTTon: stfu
Roosevelt: o yah hit the navajo button guys
deGaulle: eisenhower ur wothless come help me quick
Eisenhower: i cant do #@%! til roosevelt gives me an army
paTTon: yah hurry the fock up
Churchill: d00d im getting pounded
deGaulle: this is fockin weak u guys suck
*deGaulle has left the game*
Roosevelt: im gonna attack the axis k?
benny-tow: with what? ur wheelchair?
benny-tow: lol did u mess up ur legs AND your head?
Hitler[STNL]: ROFLMAO
T0J0: lol o no america im coming 4 u
Roosevelt: wtf thats bullsh1t u fags im gunna kick ur asses
T0J0: not without your harbors u wont! lol
Roosevelt: u little biotch ill get u
Hitler[STNL]: wtf
Hitler[STNL]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge fockin army
Hitler[STNL]: thats bullsh1t u hacker
Churchill: lol no more france for u hitler
Hitler[STNL]: T0j0 help me!
T0J0: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the world retard
Hitler[STNL]: fine ill clear u a path
Stalin: WTF u @#*!! WE HAD A FoCKING TRUCE
Hitler[STNL]: i changed my mind lol
benny-tow: haha
benny-tow: hey ur losing ur guys in africa im gonna need help in italy soon sum1
T0J0: o #@%! i cant help u i got my hands full
Hitler[STNL]: im 2 busy 2 help
Roosevelt: yah thats right @#*! im coming for ya
Stalin: church help me
Churchill: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here
Stalin: dont be an arse
Churchill: dont be a commie. oops too late
Eisenhower: LOL
benny-tow: hahaha oh sh1t help
Hitler[STNL]: o man ur fooked
paTTon: oh what now biotch
Roosevelt: whos the crippled man now lol
*benny-tow has been eliminated.*
benny-tow: lame
Roosevelt: gj patton
paTTon: thx
Hitler[STNL]: WTF eisenhower hax hes killing all my sh1t
Hitler[STNL]: quit u hacker so u dont ruin my record
Eisenhower: nuts
benny-tow: wtf u mean?
Eisenhower: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped
paTTon: coming to get u hitler u paper hanging hun cocksocker
Stalin: ROFL
T0J0: HAHAHAA
Hitler[STNL]: u guys ara focking gay
Hitler[STNL]: ur never getting in my city
*Hitler[STNL] has been eliminated.*
benny-tow: OMG u n00b you killed yourself
Eisenhower: ROLFOLOLOL
Stalin: OMG LMAO!!!
Hitler[STNL]: WTF i didnt click there omg this game blows
*Hitler[STNL] has left the game*
paTTon: hahahahaha
T0J0: WTF my teammates are n00bs
benny-tow: shut up n00b
Roosevelt: haha wut a moron
paTTon: WTF am i gunna do now?
Eisenhower: yah me too
T0J0: why dont you attack me.. o thats right u dont got no ships lololol
Eisenhower: fock u
paTTon: let me go thru ur base commie
Stalin: go to hell lol
paTTon: fock this sh1t im going AFK
Eisenhower: yeah this is gay
*Roosevelt has left the game*
Eisenhower: sh1t now we need sum1 to join
*tru_m4n has joined the game*
tru_m4n: hi all
T0J0: hey Stalin sup
Churchill: hi
tru_m4n: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff!
tru_m4n: NUKES! HOLY #@%! I GOT NUKES
Stalin: d00d gimme some plz
tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple
Stalin: omg dont be gay gimme nucular secrets
T0J0: wtf is nukes?
T0J0: holysh1t holysh1t holysh1t1
*T0J0 has been eliminated*
*The allied team has won the game*
Eisenhower: awesome!
Churchill: gg n00bs no re
T0J0: thats bullshit u fockin suck
*T0J0 has left the game*
*Eisenhower has left the game*
Stalin: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys didnt help me for #@%!
Churchill: wutever, we didnt need ur help neway dumbass
tru_m4n: l8r all
benny-tow: bye
Churchill: l8r
Stalin: #@%! u all
tru_m4n: shut up commie lol
*tru_m4n has left the game*
benny-tow: lololol u commie
Churchill: ROFL Churchill: bye commie
*Churchill has left the game*
Stalin: i hate u all fags
*Stalin has left the game*
paTTon: lol no1 is left
paTTon: weeeeeee i got a jeep
*paTTon has been eliminated*
paTTOn: o sh1t!!!
*paTTon has left the game*

Sepp Blatter has got shit on this guy

There is evil afoot in the English footballing world. And i'm not talkin about Chelsea. For the uninitiated (read : women or gays) Football League chairman Lord Brian Mawhinney (what fucking kind of faggot name is that for a Lord?) recently proposed that in the event of a match being drawn, a penalty shootout will take place with the winner of the shootout getting 2 points, and the loser getting 1 point. His Lordship of stupidity claims that this will encourage more attacking football since teams will have more incentive to go for the win.

O.M.F.G.W.T.F.B.B.Q.

Dear Lord Brian Mawhinney, here's a picture for you..

First off, this penalties for points shennanigans will only encourage even more defensive play from teams. Just imagine, teams like Bolton already emply an 11 men behind the ball tactic just to try and skive a point againts a more attacking team, and this is just so they can get a point. What more if at the end of the day, they could get even more out of it? Fat Sam will literally be buying 11 basketball players to stand infront off the goal. No one's gonna score..and when it comes to penalties, he'll sub em off for some Germans to win as we all know the English can't score from penalties even if the goal is the size of the big ben. Who gives a shit about winning when you can still get an edge by not losing?

Furthermore, this horseshit of an idea has already been tried and tested in the US and we all know how amazing American "soccer" is. The only good thing about "soccer" in America is that it produced Alexi Lalas and his godlike beard.

Its all a conspiracy really. Is it all the American's who've recently bought top English clubs? Is it the English Football Association themselves trying to raise the standard of English penalty taking ? Personally I believe its all Chelsea's fault. This is Roman's way of trying to justify just why they are paying Michael Ballack 140000 quid a week.

My housemate is a gayer...

... because he has a blog. And cause this guy says so.

Don't fuck with him now. gaius23.livejournal.com

p.s I'm not gay for owning a blog because i'm awesome.

Boredom strikes back

Its 4.11 am and i am bored as fuckin shit. Did some work. Proceded to procrastinate for the next 5 hours, did like another hour of work and now i'm here. Because i have visited facebook like 5 times an hour for the last 5 hours. Because i have visited more or less blogs of everyone i know, everyone i dont know, and everyone i would like to get to know(cause they are hot babes). Because i have run out of episodes of the daily show to watch. Because there is no more liquor in my house. Because i have finished my pack of marlboros. Because there is no one on my msn worth talking to. And because all i have to look forward to is a 9am thermo lecture which i do not wish to attend in the morning.

Nouvelle Vague is the fuckin shit.

How can the phrase "fuckin shit" be used both to describe great delight (read: Nouvelle Vague) and great, well great shitness(read: mindnumbing boredom that has caused me to think of bollocks like this in the first place). Trust the English to come up with such a suspicious language. I bet its cause they like to pracrastinate as well.

Is there any movie character cooler than Tyler Durden? I mean seriously, Walker Texas Ranger has shit on Tyler, and that is saying something. Well Maximus comes pretty close but falls short because he wore a skirt. Sucks to be Roman. I suppose Darth Vader can challange Tyler in the badass motherfucker division, as can Jules Winfield. But alas, Darth went all soft and saved his pansy son Luke. Loser. Jules...well Jules didnt kill pumpkin. Poor form Jules, Tyler would've rinsed him. John McClane? Might've come close but its been like a decade since i've seen Die Hard and can remember pricisly fuck all from it so, well, fuck that. The Terminator was ice cool, but then he became Govenor of California. hmm..Mr. Pink possibly, too bad he was cool for being a snivelling, self centered faggot. Mr. Blonde sucked balls cause he got killed by some dude with his guts spilling all over the floor. I suppose Mickey (the pikey not the bloody mouse) is the only one true rival to Tyler, partly cause he likes dags, and more importantly cause my brain cant come up with anything else. So well, it seems Tyler Durden's biggest rival is....Tyler Durden. I'm so gonna be a schizo when i grow up

It's Christmas

well almost..and i am fuckin bored waiting to stuff myself silly with turkey and wine. Found some random shit online and nearly pissed myself laughing.

Congratulations to any of you who found that funny, you are as big a geek as i am.

On a seperate note, contrary to popular belief, Justin Timberlake did NOT bring sexy back, sexy was infact brought back by sigur ros'. But since all any radio station or MTV plays is music made by retards for retards, everyone was mourning the absence of sexy from all forms of society not knowing that it had already been gloriously brought back in an imaginary half-icelandic-half-pretentious-gibberish language that sigur ros' song in.

Speaking of MTV, i was watching the MTV VMAs(what is it with americans and abbreviations? i supppose they get confused by long sentences which would explain the death of the semi-colon). Anyway...watching the VMAs and it occured to me how fuckin full of themselves celebrities are. Seriously, all these award shows are just a way for the famous and the think-they-are-famous to have a giant wank all over each other. Whats more shocking is how interested everyone else is in watching this giant wankfest. Jesus, if you're that interested in watching celebrities molest themselves in public, just google paris hilton. Hours of fun gaurenteed.It also occured to me slightly after that i was also infact participating in the watching of said giant wankfest which i now so detest so in order to clense myself from all the bodily fluids now floating through my mind i shaved myself and took a bath in acid. Needless to say it is MTV 1-0 me. Bugger.

p/s: this post, as the sharp eyed might've guessed from the title was meant to be up bout a month ago, but because i really dont give a shit about this weblog (i absolutely detest the word blog), i didnt realise i didnt publish it. Not that anyone reads this shit anyways. If a leaf falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it fall, does it still make a sound?

There is nothing like wiping your ass after a shit, only to wipe the shit on your balls

He's back

Picture 1



Picture 2

Look familiar? Pic 1 was a freezeframe from the movie Snatch, THE greatest heist movie ever shot. Snatch is awesome. Fact. Like ice is cold, like shit is smelly. Its a fact.

And now on to Pic 2. While there may be many like me who hope and pray that it is a freezeframe taken from actual footage showing Silly Stallone getting his ass handed to him because he speaks like a retard who has chewed of half his tongue, I am sorry to say that christmas has not come early. Infact it was as if christmas will not ever come again


WTF is this shit AGAIN?!?!

Thats right. Pic 2 is from the trailer for Rocky Balboa a.k.a Rocky VI a.k.a Shitfest V. I say shitfest V and not VI cause Rocky I was actually good. But alas, how many times do you think practically the same storyline can be used over and over again before it gets boring? The right answer is 1, but Silly Stallone here thinks its at least 7, possibly infinity.

Seeing as Rocky V sucked more dick then Jenna Jameson, i suppose it was wise to try and emulate( and what i really mean here is blatantly copy ) the greatest boxing scene ever shown in a movie. EVER!! If you've watched the trailer and the movie, you'll know exactly what i mean.

While both pictures have the opponent to our valiant heroes pulling a stupid pursed-lips face in the immediate aftermath of hitting said heroes, the similarities to the pictures end there. For while Brad Pitt somehow manages to look cool as fuck EVEN while getting his face smashed in and his hair flapping about like a poodle, the same cant be said for Stallone, whose face is so damn flabby it looks like the belly of a 500-pound woman on a treadmill.

And while Brad in pic 1 is thinking "Good left hook mate, too bad i'm going to rearrange ur facial features in about 2 seconds", Silly in pic 2, and the 500-pound woman on the treadmill are thinking that eating that last doughnut was a huge mistake.

Oh and there is a Rambo IV coming out right after Rocky VI. GG

And so it begins...again

But first, it's time to gloat. It has been 3 months(or thereabouts) since all you cunts scoffed at my prediction and 2 months since you cunts cried into their pillow for missing out on a windfall of cash by not listening to said prediction. This is probably the slowest congratulation ever, but i'll say it anyway...I WAS FUCKIN' RIGHT! ! !

If Jesus had tatoos.. 1 - 1

Penalties. Grosso. 5-4. World Champs

Well with that outta the way back to what i originally intended to write about. The EPL has once again marched itself onto televisions and the minds of men (real men, not the faggot world-cup-shitheads) everywhere. While the football hiatus this year has been short thanks to the WC, its good to see them merry ol' men in red (manchester united not santa claus) return to the idiot box and mamaks everywhere to remind the viewers just how shit Liverpool are.

I'll skip the whole pre-season gossip about rooney/ronaldo, selling ruud and of course the countless "Sir-Alex-has-lost-the-plot" stories by saying this. 2 games, 8 goals, 1 conceded. And all of this before the Lord Gabriel of Heinze has pulled on his jersey for this season. God have mercy on the souls of Chelski, L'poo and the Arse. In Sir Alex we trust. Amen

Okay, maybe i'm being a bit to optimistic, I am certainly not blind to the fact tht 'Pool have got an ass kicking midfield (alonso has class oozing out his dickhole), chelsea have got oodles of roubles + shevchenko who i would like to have bear my children if it were medically possible and arsenal have...well they have "zinedine" cygan. Season looks like the toughest one in years especially if you factor in the pretenders. Spurs are looking the business and newcastle should do well now that they don't have a complete spastic as their manager.

The year has definately got better.

The world cup has started. And it is royally pissing me off, but not for footballing reasons mind you. I'm not one of those man-women, i.e. males who say they dont like football...or worse, any form of sporting activity. I mean for fuck's sake, why not cut off ur 'nads and turn them into earrings.

Football is my life. Well i would like it to be, and i have seen every...yes EVERY game of this tourney including the iran and saudi arabia games.

What pisses me off about the world cup is the people.

The "yeah-i-love-football-but-only-once-every-4-years" fans.

All the losers who think football is stupid but because its the world cup and there is all the hype, and because they dont wanna look like a complete ignoramus. start chatting shit and telling ME he thinks Italy wont win cause they are boring? Fuck off. HAving tactics doesn't make you a shit team, a lack of tactics, like the English however will condemn you to another 40 years of failure. Lets face it, lumping it long to Crouch every single time you're not winning a game by 55 mins is not a fuckin' world beating tactic.Which leads me to my next point..

Fuckin English supporters. Who on earth put it in your mind that you are God's gift to football. That gift has already beeen given. Its called Manchester United. Get over yourselves. This is not your year nor will it ever be as long as Frank LampLARD continues playing in your midfield.

Brazillian supporters. I mean fair enough if you're Brazillian and all, or even if you've been supporting them through the late 80's when they won fuck all. But the whole bandwagon jumping because of all the Nike ad's which make this brazillian team seem like the champions already. I mean fuck off man. Where were you in 2002 when everyone said that the brazil team were the worst in 20 years? You lot are an embarresment to the sport. Glory hunters are to football what rape is to women.

Oh and finally, THE most annoying thing about the world cup fever is..
Women. You didnt know shit then. You dont know shit now. How good looking Beckham is isnt worth a shit to me.
Fuck off already

Irony

Grey's Anatomy is ruining my life. Kinda ironic if you think about it that a drama about saving lives is systematically destroying mine. Over the next 8 days i have 5 more exam papers, 3 of which i am throughly unprepared for, and yet i have just wasted about 3 hours watching a mind-numbing suburban medical drama. Medical and drama are seriously two words that do not go together. Medicine, good medicine should be the furthest thing from drama. It should be clean cut (mind the pun), black and white. No blurred lines no grey area (again, pun) and when there is no grey area there is no drama.

But that is straying.

I honestly don't know what keeps me coming back for more. It has integrated everything i despise about self-serving american dramas. Moral lessons at the end. Retardly optimistic endgames to insanely overwhelming scenarios. The love-him-hate-him-but-will-still-fuck-him relationship that the lead actors have. That fuckin' narrative. Unless a narrative is done by Edward Norton, producers should learn to bugger off with it. Plus it lacks grotesque, over the top, brains splattered on wall violence. Granted the soundtrack on it is pretty awesome (any show that features Interpol on its songlist are a testament to the impecable musical taste of the music director and hence show that the producer is not a total gimp).

Oh that's right. Meredith Grey aka Ellen Pompeo is crazy fuckin' hot. Thats it. Oh and Kate Heigl is pretty easy on the eyes as well.

So in summar,...fuck. Now i'm starting to sound like a narrative. Who the hell am i summarising for anyway?...it's not like anyone reads this bleeding thing.
Whatever.
All thoughts composed, Grey's Anatomy rocks for 2 reasons namely Pompeo and Heigl. The good soundtrak is a bonus. Like a back massage after sex. If those aren't reasons good enough for anyone then you my friend are a spastic. Or gay which means you're a spastic as well. Or, well a women. I'll just leave that commentless.

The irony of it all is that a girl friend of mine figures that the show empowers women and champions feminism, showing that a being a woman is not a limit to being a success in a man's world. Just to bad that the strength of the show lies in the prefectly primmed hair of its hottest stars and all the sex that they manage to get themselves into.

Dance motherfucker, dance

Should the passing of time be celebrated? Or feared? Each day that goes by is a day closer to summer. Freedom. Sandy beaches, good company, the WORLD FUCKIN' CUP!! alcohol, ciggs, and probably my last true carefree, commitmentless holiday. On the other hand, like the proverbial calm before the storm, lying in wait, is the Hell standing infront of my Heaven, reminding me that above all else, i'm still merely a mortal. Okay...i'm sidetracking abit. What i mean is..the dreaded EXAMS. Every student knows it, dreads it, loathes it. And if you don't, you are a fucking freak of nature.

While it is tempting to follow the Fight Club notion that you are really only truly free once you've hit bottom, I throughly lack the charisma..not to mention an alter ego cool enough to organise a renegade movement capable of blowing up a city. And sinceI intend to have some semblence of a future, the stressing over exams, or rather stressing over how much i know which has relevence to my exams are a yearly ritual. My nights are filled with the what if's...and if only's. "If only i turned up for any of my 25 math lectures", "what if i stayed home and finished my coursework instead of partying all night getting pissed and handing it in with fresh vomit".

Too little to late i suppose. And all this thinking has made me hungry..I suppose in the end life shouldn't be taken too seriously. Afterall, none of us are getting out of it alive.

FIRST!!1!11!

Well, well well...where to begin?

Its exam period...well for those of you..who like me are fortunate enough to be studying in the UK. And exam period therefore invariably means that I'll do anything to avoid doing any actual work. And if you are reading this virgin of virginal posts, chances are you are like me. Having throughly exhausted just about any and every internet site of interest, forums, porn, football related shit, porn, poker, gaming sites, yet more porn, blogs, ebay, music and then some more porn, I have decided to start this "blog" as my next avenue to keep me from having to revise thermodynamics. And for those foolish enough to know what thermodynamics is, you'll understand my reason for starting this gay gay GAY activity known as blogging.

This could be the gayest thing I've ever done...well except for the time when...well...never mind. That should be another story for another day.

And for all you politically correct twats out there, when i make references to something being gay, its not cause being gay is bad or anything. I am by no means a homophobe. Its just retarded.

Fuck this. I've spent enough time signing up and cocking about on here. This html bullshit is really confuddling my already saturated brain.

Till I'm bored again....